Treat Yourself

Don’t forget to take care of you

As teachers, we do so much more than “just teach.” We are caretakers, focusing on the whole child. We have to expertly craft our lessons so kids will understand them — and we also have to know how to solve problems quickly, mediate between two students, communicate with parents, know when to push the student a little further, and know when to back off.

And that’s just the beginning. We have to have wonderful listening skills, but also a good bullshit detector. We also need snacks in case a student is hungry, a peace corner in case someone is having a hard time, flexible seating for those that just can’t sit in a chair, extra clothes when needed, and more.

Teaching is more than hard; it’s demanding.

And yet we love it. I know I do. I have always loved taking care of people — from helping my mom as a kid, working at a daycare in college, and now, raising my own children.

It all takes a toll, though, and we have to take care of ourselves in order to be able to take good care of our students, our own children, and our families.

• We have to treat ourselves.
  Get the groceries delivered, get your nails done, eat the piece of chocolate.
• We have to protect our time.
  Make your lunch break at work sacred.
• We have to be able to vent — finding someone who will listen to us.
  Go out with a friend, get to know the other teachers around you.
• We have to keep at least one hobby that’s just for us.
  Read for pleasure, crochet a scarf, foster the dog.

When we put too much emphasis on taking care of others and not ourselves, it takes a toll on our overall well-being. A few years ago, my husband had a pretty dark period of depression and anxiety. He’s suffered from depression since he was around 17 and has had some low points, but this was the scariest for me. At the time, I was substitute teaching and also working at a tutoring center. My husband says he could feel the depression creeping up, but to me it was “one day he was okay and the next he was not”. Looking back, there were signs but with three kids and two jobs, I just wasn’t paying that close attention. To me, my bright, funny, provider of a husband was almost totally gone overnight. So, I switched into care-taker mode. I called doctors, friends and family, anyone that would or could help. I didn’t leave him alone. When I had to go to work, I set up friends and family to come over and sit with him and got people to go with him to his doctor’s appointments. To me, this is just what you do when your very best friend on the earth, the person you love most, needs you. You figure it out. You do all the things you need to do for him. But after a few months, it caught up to me. I was exhausted, mentally and physically. I was trying not to resent the people in my life who were there for me by being there for my husband. I appreciated, wanted, and needed them to be there for my husband, but what about me? Who was going to give me what I needed?

I finally figured it out: me. I was going to give myself what I needed. I just had to start taking my space and my time. Even though I wasn’t particularly interested in the the event, I went to an expo about farming or agriculture or something in a nearby small town just to see my sister work her chicken booth. I made sure I didn’t miss my book club, even when I didn’t read the book. I just showed up to sit and listen to them talk about the book of the month. I called a couple of friends and kept calling/texting until we could agree on a time we could get out of the house to chat and eat queso. I drove myself through Chick-fil-A on my way to my tutoring job even though I knew we didn’t really have the extra money (health care is expensive) and I should have just eaten my food from home. I used my drive time in the car to listen to podcasts that I enjoyed.

Don’t get me wrong, I did have several people in my life reach out to make sure I was okay at times. I got a nice card and flowers from my in-laws, my husband was so apologetic (he didn’t need to be — this is what you do), and my therapist let me email her free of charge a couple of times when I couldn’t find the time to go to an appointment. But it took me too long to figure out that I needed to be the care-taker for myself while I was being the care-taker of my husband, my kids, and the students in my jobs.

Through all this, I learned to be a better advocate for myself. And that’s what I want to urge all of you other care-takers to do. Be your own care-taker!

• Take the day off when you need to.
• Send the kids upstairs and tell them you are on a “break.”
• Order the chinese food.
• Go for a walk by yourself (or with a friend!).
• Call a friend to demand they go eat queso with you.

Or if these are all just specific to me, figure out what type of break you need and find a way to get the time to give yourself a break. The people you are taking care of will be better for it.