Sense of Self
We have all talked about self-care as educators, parents, and human beings. Taking time for self-care is extremely important. What is also essential is taking the time to get to know yourself. Having a sense of your identity will change over time, but giving yourself the time and space to check in with yourself often is important. As people, we constantly learn and change our thoughts and feelings about different aspects of our world. What I thought about the world when I was 20 is different than what I think about the world today in my 40s. My sense of self, or how I identify, is also very different in my 40s than in my 20s.
An essential part of finding out who you are and knowing yourself is to try different things out at different times of your life to see where it lands you. Some things you choose to do because they are comfortable and easy. Other things you may do because they are necessary, and then there are the items you choose to do because it takes you one step further into feeling like yourself or the person you want to become.
One of the things I do for myself and to learn more about who I am is I belong to a book club. I have been in this book club for 12+ years. I’ve always enjoyed reading. So, when a friend asked me to join her book club, I decided to try it out. My first thought was: “Ack! I won’t know anyone”. But my second thought was, “Yay! Something to go do!”. So off I went. Like any group, our book club members have changed over time. Several members have been in this book club for more years than I have, and we’re still going strong.
There are many things about this group of people and this activity that allow me to grow and learn more about myself while also having a fun outing. Here are just a few of them.
* I get exposed to books I would not usually read (I tend to read and watch what I call ‘fluff’ books or shows because I don’t want my leisure time to be filled with angst). I have unexpectedly loved some of the books we have read that I wouldn’t have picked up on my own.
* There is no judgment around what we have to say about the books in our discussion. We have a group of smart women who are intelligent enough to know that we can disagree and still be friends and have a lively debate with each other. It’s so wonderful to show up and say what you thought about the book and know that the people value your opinion and are okay with your ideas differing from theirs. They help me figure out why I did or didn’t like that specific character or book, which helps me get to know myself (and them) better.
* I get exposed to people I might not have ever known! Our group membership has fluctuated over the years. We’ve had as few as eight members and up to 15 members at one point. Some are married, some are not, some have kids, some do not, some have careers outside the home, and some don’t. We are all women who like to read and share our ideas–and we (all the present members) have had dogs at one point or another. :)
* After discussing the book, we discuss whatever is going on in our lives. I’ve learned I’m not alone in many of my life struggles. If a particular situation has happened to me, it has most likely happened to at least one other person in this group. Talking about what is going on in my life helps me work out my feelings about the events. Sometimes speaking up about something exciting (or something dreadful) happening in your life can help you process the events.
* Being in the book club helps me be a better listener. To share ideas, you have to stop talking at some point and let another person have their turn. And to contribute thoughtfully to the conversation, you need to listen to the others in the group. Listening to others in the group give their opinions about the book or life helps me solidify my thoughts and ideas. Also, practicing listening and responding in a leisure environment helps me translate that skill into other aspects of my life (like work).
Reading a book and talking about it with the same people every month might not sound like much, but it is one of the things that helps me focus on myself, my ideas, and my sense of self. That, coupled with being around a great group of people, makes my book club a large part of my self-care. Understanding who you are allows you to have more confidence, make clear decisions about your life, and ultimately love and accept who you are. I encourage you to find something you do in your life that helps you care for yourself, enables you to know yourself more, and helps you become more of the person you want to be.
