Be An Advocate
Be an Advocate Throughout my years of teaching and parenting, I have had to learn to advocate for my own kids, my students, and myself. Navigating relationships, doctor appointments, the school system, and extracurricular activities can be a daunting task! You must understand your needs and the needs of those around you so you can do what is best for you and your child/student. I have had to insist on moving rooms for blood tests, remind teachers of accommodations for my students and my own kids, have meetings with principals when coaches aren’t listening to my kids’ needs, and more! I have learned a lot throughout these requests and wanted to pass on the knowledge so that others can advocate for themselves and their children. Here are some tips to help you be the best advocate for yourself and for your child/students.
- Know Your Needs
You can’t advocate for yourself or your child if you don’t know what you’re advocating for! Before scheduling a meeting, sending an email, or making a phone call, take the time to stop and think about what you/your child needs. When my son was in kindergarten, I noticed he struggled to form letters and cut properly with scissors. I brought it up to the teacher, who gave him some pencil grips, different scissors, etc. We also worked with him over the summer. It was still a problem in first grade. So, before I set a meeting with his first-grade teacher, I gathered my information and his work samples, spoke with an OT I knew, and then asked about an OT evaluation. Luckily, the teacher was on board and also suggested a speech evaluation. It’s worth it to take the time to make a list, gather your information, and talk to others if needed before you set your meeting with the person who can give you what you need. You are going in fully prepared!
2. Communicate effectively
What is your end goal? When it comes to advocating for myself, I need help being clear. I have learned to state my problem and solve it with the person helping me. When speaking for my own kids or my students, I know what I want to happen and have an easier time stating what they need. Be sure to record what was discussed so you can refer back to it if needed. In the case of one of my own kids, I have had to remind a few people that she has to eat every few hours and should be allowed to do so in class, and she has the paperwork to prove this. Most of the time, that’s all it takes.
3. Be Persistent and Patient
Advocacy often requires persistence. There may be setbacks or delays, and solutions may take time to come. Maybe you know a student in your class is falling behind, and you’re not sure why but have a feeling they may need more support or an evaluation. Keep taking the data, keep tutoring them, and keep encouraging them. Regular follow-ups with those in charge and maintaining a positive, solution-focused attitude can help overcome obstacles. Unfortunately, we live in a world of processes and protocols that take time. It also takes time to get your kids to the right doctors, if needed. Don’t give up. When I had to get my kid in to see a medical professional for help, I took any appointment anyone would give me and then canceled the ones I didn’t end up needing. Persistence is key!
4. Educate Yourself
Understand that schools and healthcare systems have regulations and laws designed to protect and support children. Being informed about your child’s specific needs is crucial. Whether it’s a medical condition, a learning disability, or a behavioral issue, gather as much information as possible. When my son was diagnosed with dysgraphia, I enrolled in training on dysgraphia so I could better help him. As a teacher, I have taught in only Title 1 schools with predominantly black and brown students. I needed to better educate myself on what my students may be experiencing in their lives. I have read many books about behavior, trauma, and mental health relating to education. Many of the books also related to my life, so I knew I could draw on my own experiences to help build relationships with my students. Read your students’ IEPs and dive deeper into their eligibility so that you can understand what they need to be successful in the classroom.
5. Build a Support Network
You don’t have to advocate alone. Build a network of professionals and non-professionals who can support you and your child- including doctors, teachers, counselors, other parents, and support groups. These individuals can offer valuable insights, resources, and guidance. We need others to talk with, share ideas with, and, if nothing else, vent to. I love a good support group on social media. I *may* be in a few for my own kids’ needs and for educators. ;) Whether you are advocating for a student or your child, it isn’t easy. This child needs you. They are counting on you to get them what they need to succeed. You need support just like they do. And if you are advocating for yourself, you need support also. I know I have often been at my book club, and we have been cheering on a fellow member to go for the promotion, encouraging them before an interview, etc. It’s a boost to have others rooting for you.
6. Empower the Children
First, make it a point to ask the children around you what they need to help them succeed. Do they like quiet when they learn? Do they need something to fidget with? Do they like scratch paper to write their thoughts on as they read? As a teacher and a mom, I ensure my kids know how to ask for what they need. In elementary school, my son had special grips on his pencils and left-handed scissors in his backpack, and he would make sure he had them at his table. My daughter doesn’t like to be singled out (as most teens don’t) about eating in class. But she will go to bat for herself if needed. Her ’out’ is that she has a counselor’s pass, uses it if needed, and then eats in the hallway. For students, I let them know that, as young as first grade, they need to remind the teachers that they can use a 100s chart for math or to use their break card if they get overwhelmed, etc. I remind them that teachers have 25 kids, and it might be hard for them to remember to give Johnny his multiplication chart. So it’s okay to ask for it. Usually, the teachers have a spot in their rooms with the charts, graphs, etc., for the students to use. If you start teaching the kids when they’re young to ask for what they need, they will get the hang of it, and it won’t be such a big deal when they are older! This past year, my eldest had to ask all her professors if she could record their lectures during her first semester of college. Mom wasn’t allowed to be in her accommodations meeting. She did it successfully!
7. Advocate for Appropriate Resources
Ensure your child has access to the resources they need, whether it’s specialized educational tools, therapy services, or medical treatments. Work with other teachers in the school to ensure your students have what they need. Use the speech pathologists’ knowledge or talk to the occupational therapist, etc. Work with healthcare providers and other organizations to secure these resources and make sure they are being used effectively. This can be hard to do, and it may take time. My daughter’s pediatrician at the time seemed dismissive of her anxiety, so I went searching for other answers. It took a while, but through our network of friends, we found a program that worked for her needs at the time. If you don’t think you’re being listened to, it’s okay to go to another source or push further!
8. Be a Positive Role Model
Your approach to advocacy can teach the children in your life valuable skills. You will demonstrate perseverance, problem-solving, and empathy in your interactions. You can show them how to advocate effectively and handle challenges. My students know they can come to me with problems they might be having at school. Sometimes they just want to vent, and sometimes they want my help solving the problem. I let them know I would help if needed. I have told my kids that nothing they can say to me will shock me. My job in life is to help them. A few times one of my daughters has complained to me about something that has happened at school, and I’ve asked if they need me to call/email the school because I didn’t like what I was hearing. They said, “No, mom, it’s fine, I’ll handle it.” It was wonderful to hear that my daughters were trying to advocate for themselves independently, but if they complained about the same thing again, I did call whether they wanted me to or not. My job is to ensure their needs are met at school and home. Most of the time, it was solved with one phone call, and often, miscommunication was involved.
9. Be a Cheerleader
Recognize and celebrate your child’s achievements and milestones, no matter how small they may seem. Positive reinforcement and encouragement can boost their self-esteem and motivate them. Celebrate growth! At school, I reward my students for using their accommodations on assessments. I also give rewards for scoring more points on their assessments each time they have to take them (three times a year). It doesn’t matter to me if they pass or fail at that moment; it matters that they are using their tools and making growth. If you have a child with an eating disorder, you celebrate each new food that they try. Even if they only take one bite. If they swallow it, it’s a celebration! Positive praise goes a long way.
Advocating for your child’s needs is an ongoing journey that requires dedication, knowledge, and empathy. I am always trying to learn more about my students and my kids to better advocate for them. You can make a significant difference in their lives by understanding your child’s needs and rights, educating yourself, building a support network, communicating effectively, and being persistent. Remember, advocacy is about addressing immediate concerns and setting the stage for long-term success and well-being. Embrace the role confidently, and know that your efforts will help your child navigate their path with more significant support and strength.
Some Books I have read: Living with the Active Alert Child by: Linda S. Budd, Ph.D., The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk, M.D., Lost at School by: Ross W. Greene, Ph.D., The Whole-Brain Child by: Daniel J. Siegel M.D. and Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.D, Beyond Behaviors by: Monda Delahooke Ph.D. and What Happened to You? By: Bruce Perry, M.D., Ph.D. and Oprah Winfrey
