Answering Your Child’s Questions
Kids notice everything and have questions about everything. If you have ever spent time with a three year old, you know their favorite word is “why”. With all that is going on in the world today including politics and Covid, we all have a lot of concerns and questions. I’ve always struggled with how much to talk to my own kids about everything happening in the world, but kids have questions. We want to answer their questions and educate them, but we don’t want to add more to their concerns than needed. So how much information is too much? My guide has always been to answer their questions, but keep their age in mind. For example, I will explain more about finances to my 15 year old than I will to my 8 year old. Only because the older child has a better grasp of how much items cost and how much one can actually earn.
I’ve come up with some tips on how to navigate some the “whys” kids ask.
Money — “Why can’t I have that toy/shoe/new phone?”. I let my kids know that we have a budget for certain things. Not to worry them, I assure them we are lucky that both their parents have good jobs and can pay for our house and food….but we may not have the money to fly the family on a lavish vacation every year, or for everyone to get the newest phone when it comes out, or even the extra money for the $100 pair of shoes the teen has been eyeing. If there are extra things they want, we offer to pay however much we can and then have the child save up their money for the rest of the cost. We want them to know they don’t need to worry about us being able to afford things that they need, but we can’t get everything that they might want. And they need to be okay with that.
Sickness — “Why do we have to stay inside, why can’t we go to school, why can’t I hang out with my friends?” The Corona virus has been rough on everyone. I think it’s especially hard for kids to understand. I can’t answer them when they ask “how long will it be like this”. But I can answer some of their questions and I hope I answer them so they understand we are not only trying to keep our family safe, but trying to keep others around us safe. There have been tears and there is the diffiinate “fear of missing out” from my older kiddos, but I remind them that it won’t always be like this and we have to do our part to keep our friends and family safe. This includes things like: staying home as much as possible, wearing our masks, and learning from home so the parents that need their children to have face to face learning are learning with the teachers in the safest environment possible.
Politics — “Why are some people mean to black/brown people?” “Why don’t they think two women can get married?” “Why don’t they want people to come to our country if they need to?” We have tried our best to raise our kids to be open-minded, loving children. These are hard questions to answer. Because I just don’t know the answer to the questions. My best answer to my kids is this: People are all different. Everyone has different thoughts on their likes/dislikes and this includes their beliefs. We have tried to teach them it’s okay to stand up for what they believe in and if their friends are treating someone badly, it’s their job to stand up and tell their friend that what they are doing is wrong. If they aren’t sure what to do, then they go ask for help from a trusted adult.
Homelessness/Hunger — “Why is that man holding a sign saying he’s hungry?” Oh, this is such a hard one. My sweet middle child was 5 when she asked this question. I silently cursed her kindergarten teacher for teaching her how to read. ;) I had to explain to her that not everyone has a job and not everyone is in a place in their life where they felt good enough to go to a job everyday…so they need help from others sometimes. The next question from her, “Why can’t we give him food?” Well, we can and we did. But we can’t give to everyone all the time. But we give when we can and this sweet girl still makes little bags every year around November/December to go pass out to the people that are homeless or are asking for food.
Feelings/Mental Health — “Why are you crying?” “Why are you mad?” To kids, adults are supposed to be forever strong and able to do anything. Kids can understand fairly easily if you tell them you are tired or if you have a cold, etc. My young kiddos have covered me with a blanket and brought me juice as I have laid on the couch watching them watch TV because I was sick and my husband couldn’t take the whole day off of work. It’s harder for them to understand that, yes, adults get sad too; or yes, adults have bad days also. All three of my kids have told me at one time ot another that they just weren’t having a good day. And I tell them…I know how they feel! If I seem grumpy one night, they might ask what’s the matter and I tell them honestly, “Well I had a rough day at work”. They don’t need to know all the details of a particular student lashing out, but they can know it was a hard day. And I’m just upset about it. It’s good for them to know we have bad days too. I try to remind my kids that it’s okay to have feelings. We all have feelings. We can sit with our feelings and be mad/sad/hurt. But then we need to try to not dwell in them. I distract myself often with sitcoms that I’ve watched a hundred times before, my eldest daughter likes to watch Hamilton to get her mind off of her problems, we can call a friend, play a game, read a book, etc. Sometimes just acknowledging your feeling and saying it out loud to another person helps. We all have a lot of feelings in this house, adults included!
The ‘why’ questions are endless and I don’t have all the answers, but I hope I’ve given you something you can use after reading this and also given you something to think about. I do tend to shield my kids from a lot of what is bad in the world, but when the situation arises I try to do my best to answer their questions with their age and emotional state in mind.
